I just realized while writing this, that almost all of (if not literally every single one) Project Wedding post is on a Thursday. Honestly, this is a huge coincidence!! haha. Apparently I just get in the zone this time of week?
Recently, Zack and I started the daunting task of putting together a rough draft of our guest list… OH MY GOSH! I didn’t realize how incredibly hard this would be. Of course, with recent events I’ve truly learned how many people in my life care about my well being. Which makes the fact that we want a relatively small wedding — EVEN MORE difficult.
Our reception site holds up to about 170 people comfortably with everyone sitting at the same time, though they say they have successfully held weddings of 200+… However, we both want our wedding to be a more intimate gathering. Small, simple, and fun. All those details that don’t matter 10 years from now, be damned… We want it to represent ourselves, not some glamorous fake version of ourselves.. Our goal, is to have a guest list of 100-150 people (I personally, am leaning much closer to the 100 side of that scale.)
Between Z’s family and my own – if we invited the entire families this would take up the entire guest list. We both have a TON of insanely close friends back home as well, that I think we truly would be disappointed in the years to come if they weren’t there. Plus then there is the whole issue, do we let guests bring a date? If so that means we have to plan for almost half the amount of guests we can invite, which makes this job LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE. But – I feel like it’s almost rude to not allow guests to bring a date. I can think of a hand full of friends off the bat who are in relationships with someone, who I’m not close enough with to actually invite to my wedding, but I’m sure would much more enjoy an intimate, romantic occasion with said significant other.
The Knot gave us a good idea… To only allow friends who have been in a relationship with their S/O for at least a year or live together… Still, I’m not sure…… Uffff.
I’m at a complete loss. I understand that its our day, and that people in theory should understand — all that jazz. I get that, but I’m talking family. (YES our close friends ((and we have a LOT of close friends)) are family too!) It is one thing to exclude and potentially offend friends who have drifted or aren’t truly rocks in our life, but the ones who are — who have been there our whole lives, through thick and thin – the ones who have cheered for us to be happy since day ONE… Have had nothing but love for us.. Those are the cuts that are going to break my heart.
We do know, that other than Kanisha, My sister, and Beth’s daughter – and Zack’s brother we won’t be inviting children to the reception. It’s going to be — well — a party. So I don’t feel bad cutting kids. It won’t be their scene, and our reception will be going until 11pm anyway.
It’s rough. We really want this to be about the celebration and joining of two families (again — friends are family! I keep repeating this because when I talk to people about this – they tend to say “well invite your family first, friends will understand”) but an easy going intimate occasion at the same time..
What helped you narrow down your guest list?
I haven’t had a wedding so I’m useless here! sorry! but congrats! <3
haha Thanks girl!
the best advice i got for my guest list was if you don’t see the people actively involved in your life in 5 years from now, they don’t need to be at your wedding. but i feel your pain. it was tough to narrow it down! it also helped us to make a “B” list…then when ppl rsvped no, we quickly sent out invites to some ppl on the B list.
It doesn’t help that there’s a floppity jillion ways to do your guest list. I remember this part of the planning was one of my least favorites! However, having a destination helped, but it also hurt people’s feelings.
ufff I WISH we could have a destination race to eliminate the whole problem haha. I’m sure that would hurt people’s feelings but not NEARLY as much as being right in town and them not being invited. haha
First, a lot of people won’t be able to make it, especially out of towners. For our wedding, about 75 of the people we invited couldn’t come (our wedding ended up being about 175 people). And whether you say +1 or not, guests will STILL always assume that they can bring a date. I also had one aunt RSVP for 10 other people. AND THEN none of them showed up (that could just be my family though).
For our wedding we did have to accept that people would be offended (and they were), but most of these family members were people that I didn’t really talk to before, and haven’t talked to since, so….I guess it didn’t really strain our relationship too much.
Good luck!
I so don’t want to be one of those monsters who are all YOU MUST MARK DOWN YOUR GUESTS OR ILL GO ALL BRIDEZILLA ON YOU. no one likes that.. But our venue is kind of small and our vision is even smaller. blah.
I also know that there are a ton of family members on both sides that we just have no reason to invite. Yes, we’re related – but does that really make us FAMILY? no. At least not in my opinion.
idk. haha I’m rambling
Here is my advice, as I had a fun wedding with no drama: Invite just family and a very few friends to the wedding. Then invite everyone who cares about you to the reception. I know you said it only seats 200, so maybe you have to do a different party/ different day. Word it, “We are keeping the wedding small to keep our sanity, yet we’d love to share our joy with you at XXXX event.” We actually had the invitation say that the best gift for us was potluck dishes so that we could save money on the bash, but it was my 2nd marriage so I didn’t care about the gifts. That will be different for you. But if you tactfully word things to say how keeping it small helps your sanity, anyone who’s offended doesn’t deserve to come anyway. Good luck.
I feel your pain. I have a big family and narrowing down the guest list was the hardest part. However, my mother had a different idea in mind. Her guest list alone topped close to 200, including family. No way. We made a point that we had to know the guests that were being invited (so scratch Mom’s old mah-jong partner from 10 years back who I’ve never actually met) and they had to be important in our lives. It was a hard call and there’s no way to get around hurting someone’s feeling but this is about YOU and ZACK. You don’t want to run around on one of the most important day chatting up people you’ve never met or who you know you won’t be in touch with again after the wedding. Just my two cents. You could also invite a small number of people to the wedding and then have a more laid back party or get-together at a bar or something after the wedding and invite a larger group of people? Good luck!
That actually is our plan as of right now. We are thinking of cutting the reception one hour short (making it end at 10) and then heading to our favorite bar to have a bigger party from 11-2. (omg I’m going to be one tired lady) haha but it’ll be worth it to be able to include more people in the big Day.
I like my sister’s advice to separate the wedding and reception lists. Oh, for sure select the groom well! After you have him decided on, the rest is secondary. (this reminder helped me keep perspective and that was 21 married years ago!)