I personally am somewhat torn on this whole last name thing, right now. I very much like the idea of having a shared family name with my partner, but I’m also pretty darn attached to my birth name. I’m a blogger and writer, a working professional, and have lived several places, so it’s also my identity. It’s important for employers, readers, friends scattered around the world, or potential ‘clients’ to find me, by last name.
Until Zack and I really started getting into “we’re getting married, for real” mode. You know what I mean… I had always, every single day of my life, assumed I would keep my name. But he really changed every opinion I had, when it came to the marriage and kids department. Not forcefully — just my love for him and the growth of our relationship with time changed the way I viewed marriage and unions.
Zack really wants me to change my name. He doesn’t mind hyphenating. I can’t say “Charlotte Fowler” sounds bad by any means. I love the sound of it… I could combine names. “Charlotte Neitzel Fowler” but holy crapsticks that’s a mouth full!
So, I haven’t yet decided what to do. The feminist part of me is all “No way will I change my name”, but some part of me likes the idea of a name change as a way of defining a new chapter in my life. As being a team. Not to mention the agonizing pain our kids would have to deal with being “Neitzel-Fowlers” oh gosh. That’s an ugly name.
My mom kept her last name, but when my parents had kids we got our dad’s name. My mom gave my brother, Matthew her last name for his middle name. It worked really well. “Matthew Howard Neitzel” …. No matter what name you put in front of “Neitzel Fowler” it’s going to sound ridonkulous. Yea, I went there. It will sound so badly it needs over used words like RIDONKULOUS!
The other night I got to thinking about this a lot and started looking up the things I would need to change, legally, if I change my name.
Car Registration
Car Insurance
Social Security
Drivers License
Payroll
Taxes
Bank Account/Card
Email since mine is literally LAST NAME, FIRST INITIAL @ yadda yadda
Work Information
Phone
Rental Agreement (though this wont really matter much since we’re moving shortly after)
All Utilities including, Water, Electricity, Internet
Post-Office
Passport
Voters Registration
HOLY SMOKES Y’ALL THAT’S A LOT OF FREAKING STUFF! Plus, Don’t you literally have to PAY to change your name? I’m exhausted just looking at all of this stuff. Jeebus.
Ooooof.
Those of you who are married, did you change your name? why or why not?
If you aren’t married — do you plan to if/when you do get married? Â
I changed my last name and I never really considered not. I personally wanted to share the last name of my husband and future kids.
You could always not change it and then decide and change it later too!
I really really want to share a last name with him, and our future kids. At this particular moment I think the best option may be to change my name legally, but professionally (other than payroll/taxes) going by my maiden name
I am not married however i will definitely be changing my name for 2 reasons (ok maybe more but 2 important ones) i hate my current last name, it ends in a ‘s’ and has alway bothered me, kind feels like i am property of someone. boo to that. the 2nd reason… so my ‘family’ can have the same name and be more unified. It confuses the vet when i call about the dog i cant imagine how confused a school would be.
Maybe if i was a celebrity, author or very established in my field by my current last name id consider keeping it but im not … not yet at least.
Also the logistics of changing seem hard but im pretty sure all you have to do is call social security/show them marriage papers and they change it. then you’d have to go to the DMV. the rest of them (credit cards, utilities, bank…) would just take a phone call… a pain, probably take up an afternoon but i think its worth it and i think its def easier than doing it afterwards, youd have to get a court order at least in NY you have to… boo to that.
good luck, its a tough decision
Yea, we’re getting married in NY state — and the laws are a bit ridiculous when it comes to name changing. The most “pain free” way to do it (and cheapest) is to check the little thing that I plan to change my name on the marriage license.
Decisions….
Right now I’m leaning toward changing it. But — I change my mind on a daily basis haha
NY can be a bitch sometimes, i think you even have to put an add in a newspaper (if you change after the fact) at least you have the option to change or not or to change later or change back… im glad im 100% sure i hate my last name so i dont have to worry about this… if i was in anyway attached to it itd be hard =/ maiden name as a middle name seems to work for a lot of ladies… will Zack be hurt if you dont change it?
I stressed over that decision, too!! I ended up keeping my maiden name and adding his, so I technically have two last names, but not hyphenated. This gets a little confusing at times (dr offices, etc) so I wish I would have kept my maiden name as a middle name, or officially hyphenated it. We gave our daughter his last name, and all go by that as our “family” name. We are also using my maiden name for our kids’ middle names.
It’s a lot to consider but I am definitely glad I held onto my name in some form!
i changed my name without a second thought, but i definitely respect different opinions on the topic too!
it is free to legally change your name once you have your marriage certificate (i think you have 6 months to do it for free…?). you might have to pay for a new drivers license (i honestly don’t remember), but most things were seriously painless for me. i would just suggest getting 3-5 copies of your marriage certificate so you can provide them to the places that need them to change your name!
I’m married and I changed my name as fast as I could. Marrying was like a fresh start for me (I even moved across country when we got married) and I wanted to whole experience. It wasn’t too difficult to change my name, you just have to decide what works best for you!
I’ve honestly never thought about this! I always just imagined I would take the name of whoever I married, but I can totally see where you’re coming from. I do love my last name and it is a part of me, so I can imagine that letting go of it would be difficult!
i have a friend who’s boyfriend’s last name is Hittler….as you can imagine she’s not too keen on it for tv purposed; she wants to be a meteorologist so she’s keeping her last name for tv, but changing her name to his.
I’m getting married in five weeks, so this topic has been on my mind. I think I’m going to make my current last name a second middle name, and take his last name as my own. That way, I still get to keep my last name!
There is a reason my name is Krysten Siba Bishop. I just could not give it up. Everyone called me “Siba” growing up, and it was such a huge part of my identity that there was no way I was getting rid of it. There is a different between legally changing your name and assuming your name. I assumed mine – and it wasn’t that involved. Our poor children will be Siba-Bishops, sorry kiddies!
A lot of people STILL call me “Neitzel” especially since my brother passed away. It was his nickname allll through life and it’s as if in his death hos name was passed down to me. Not literally – but all his friends immediately started calling ME Neitzel after he passed.
Its such a tough decision. Neitzel-fowler isn’t nearly as flattering as “siba-bishop” lol
Changing my name was never a big deal for me. I was Melissa Stober my entire life…until I married Herrick. I never had a nickname that was connected to my last name. A lot of people messed it up, actually. Stover, Stobert, Stobber (said like “Staw-ber”), Spopert. (Seriously.) When I married Herrick, I was absolutely positively on board with changing my name. It meant I was “his”. (I mean this in a very UN-possessive way. No one owns me, per say…it meant I was his WIFE. I’ve always been “traditional”. Well, in most ways, anyways.) It’s a new name. And changing it? Didn’t cost me a dime aside from my driver’s license. Sometimes it was a pain in the butt to have to produce a marriage license, but it was worth it. It was awesome seeing mail come in with Mrs. Melissa Durham on it. Official. I’m married. I’m settling into life with a man I love.
ohh people mess up my name all the time!!! neitzel. (night-zel) I get it all. Neatzil. Nitzil. You name it haha… Certainly wouldnt miss that.
Zack gets “Flower” a lot. I die of laughter everytime.
&& you’re right about the feeling officially married. My dad jokingly called us the Fowler’s when we were visiting and i LOVED the feeling.
Oh, and I saw this above, too: my mother-in-law took her maiden name and made it her legal middle name. That could always be an option! She did, however, change her first name as well. She got rid of “Charlotte” (how DARE she) and kept “Gail”. Personally, if Herrick and I have another girl, we’re most likely going to name her Charlotte Karoline and call her Charly. I love the name Charlotte.
Ohhh Karoline is a perfect middle name for Charlotte (that feels so weird to write?!) haha
I thought a lot about not changing my name because I really liked my maiden name. However, it was really important to my husband for me to take his name. Like REALLY important. So I changed it because few things matter to him the way this did.
My sister originally hyphenated her name but after about 5 years of that she dropped her maiden name completely … she was over the hassle.
The good thing is is that you really could change it down the road if you decided to so think about it and make the decision that is right for you
I appreciated reading all these thoughts! I, too, will want to keep my last name. It’s very unique, and very much a part of my identity–especially because I don’t have a middle name! When I do marry, I might make it my middle name and take my husband’s name. The names are too long for hyphenation, and it is SO important for me to have my family (children and all) share a name.
I never had a middle name so my maiden name became my middle name when I got married, …perfect. But I couldnt imagine not having my husband’s last name. It is who I am now. When we got our marriage license, they gave me a big packet on how to change my name and it was pretty painless and I sent most of it in the mail. But I never changed my passport since that costs $$$ and I’m cheap. So I book my trips in my maiden name until then. But I love having his name!
I am changing my name to my fiance’s.
I found a deal for the MissNowMrs service (only $15) which helps you organize all of the paperwork you need so its not as overwhelming (or as time-consuming)!