When I first told my friend and coach, Jason, that I registered for my first marathon, he asked me a question. “What motivates you as a runner?” Okay, that’s easy… I started rattling off all of these various things that motivate me. He just shook his head and said a simple “Wrong”… What? How is that wrong? I think I know what motivates me. All he said was “That’s not entirely true, and the sooner you figure out what it is, the easier marathon training will be.”
Pfffft. My friends are all a bit out there, but I was pretty certain he lost his marbles for a minute there. But, like a good little student I listend to his advice and started thinking. He was still wrong!
Until yesterday I couldn’t fathom what he was trying to get me to understand.
Now I do.
I woke up yesterday morning to 16 missed phone calls, 5 text messages and countless facebook messages. One of my smartest and most earnest friends has died. I always thought of him as a dreamer and an optimist like myself. We were both rather misfits growing up and similarly sensitive to the world around us. (for anyone keeping count, that’s 3 in 6 months)
I couldn’t deal with the influx of phone calls, text messages. Everyone I’ve ever known and loved back home in a panic. So, true to form I went to the fitness center. I pumped my treadmill up to 6.4 turned the tunes up as high as I could… Next thing I knew I had run 4.7 miles at 6.4 mph.
That’s a 9:28 minute pace! For a nearly 5 mile run that is FRIGGIN FAST for me! That’s when it all clicked.
I’m an emotional runner. I let my feelings fuel my runs. My brother’s death is what really got my butt in gear during Columbia 13.1 training. The day of my first ever 10 mile race, I woke up to news that my baby niece was born. Today, Nick slipped out of our lives…. I got to thinking more and more, and realized that even the beginning of my running journey was fueled by emotion. My emotional breakdown over how much I hated my body, and how much I wanted to take control of my health. I texted Jason “I run with my heart!”
The miles I run give me a safe space from the expectations of many people. Its a space that lets me grieve, lets me think the dark thoughts that I have to deal with from time to time. We can change everything around in our mind if we shift our focus. Running does this for me. When I jog through my neighborhood park, ideas pop into my head that I hadn’t had before. It’s like a laboratory for ideas and emotions. They fuel my runs, and when I return home I have a whole new perspective on things.
I’m an emotional runner. I run with my heart.
What type of runner are you? What motivates you to run?
OH. perhaps Id run more and better if I DID RUN WITH MY HEART.
almost like yoga.
thanks Char.
I am also an emotional runner. I started off walking off stress and anxiety as a kid and moved to running once I hit 30. When a tsunami divorce hit, I quickly signed up for my first race – a half marathon. Running is a type of meditation for me. It allows my mind to relax while I exorcise the demons of the body that grip in times of stress. I run not to get away, but to get through.
i am not sure how to describe myself… maybe i’m a junkie runner?? i love the way it makes me feel while i’m running and as soon as i’m done running when my endorphins are flowing hard! that little runner’s high is what gets me motivated! happy tuesday! SPA LOVE
Oh wow what a profound post. I’m so so sorry for the loss of your friend. But your are so right about how healing running can be and the space it can give you to think.
so sorry for your loss. i think i’m an avoidance runner. i run my best when i’m anxious and running away from something else.
You have had more than your fair share of loss for such a young life! I’m so sorry.
I don’t think I’m an emotional runner–rather, I’m an emotional mess without it!
So sorry to hear about your friend. For me, running can be therapeutic in so many ways.
Oh sweetie, BIG HUGS.
I agree, sometimes you just have to run it out.
I absolutely enjoyed and relate to this post. You got me all misty eyed thinking. I too am an emotional runner. I started running “away” from deep heartache and past emotional abuse that I had went through as a child through early 20s. Running is such a freedom!! Really, really like your blog. I will be following!
http://www.flyingfeetinfaith.blogspot.com
*Hugs* That’s terrible news to wake up to. I’m an emotional runner too. I run off anger, stress and whatever else I’m feeling. Running is a release and helps me get my head on straight and my emotions in check. xo
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m totally an emotional runner. My fastest runs are fueled by strong emotions.
So sorry Charlotte! But I am with you, I am an emotional runner too. Running has gotten me through many things and has shown me just how strong I can be. *Hugs*
I hate to hear about the loss of your friend. My heart goes out to you, Charlotte!
And I’m a big runner for the stress release and personal time it provides me.
This post almost made me cry. I started running because one of my dearest friends passed away our sophomore year of college. And I entered a race he wanted to do. And every time I’ve got a tough run I think of how BADASS and clever he was. And it gets me through it.
So many hugs are being sent your way. That’s all I can say!
First off, I am SO sorry you are dealing with such a loss, so very sad.
And secondly…I have to answer your question with a resounding YES, I RUN WITH HEART. Always. The best way to run IMHO.
I am an emotional runner as well. When my best friend died I ate and ate and ate, and now I run and run. My thoughts and prayers go to you and I think you are dealing with this in such a healthy way.
i’m so sorry char! That is a tough tough loss. Prayers indeed. In fact, that’s where i do my best praying… when i run. <3
I`m very sorry for your loss!
I haven`t thought about it that consciously but I might be rather emotional too.
What a beautiful post! I am very sorry about your loss but am happy to hear you run instead of drowning yourself in darkness! Love and Shine CourtStar
I\’m so so sorry for your loss. It\’s too much loss in such a short period of time. I think that I\’m partly an emotional runner but also I need to move my body so it\’s also more of a physical thing for me. It helps set me straight.
I run for the T-Shirts….. but I love T-Shirts!
Sorry for your lose and congratulations on finding your running voice!