Training for my second half-marathon has been completely, 100% different than training for Iron Girl Columbia. For multiple reasons, of course. Yes, this was a lot less “scary” because at this point I know I can run the distance. 13.1 is a large number, for sure, but I’ve done it already. So I know that my body is capable of hitting the mileage. That in itself has made this training cycle completely different. A LOT less stressful.
However, as much as I hate to admit this, I do feel I need to put it out there. Maybe talking about it will make the ache go away? Sometimes I get really sad that my support system is gone. YES, I have tons of friends who cheer me on. I have YOU GUYS who rock my friggin world and believe in me more than I believe in myself… I have my step-mom who will even be running Rock n Roll San Antonio with me..
But, there is something about having someone who doesn’t quite understand running and thinks you’re just absolutely insane for going out there day in and day out. Someone who shares in the tears when you cross the finish line, accomplishing your biggest dreams. Someone who moves to different parts on the course just so you can see their face when the going gets rough.
I started running FOR ME. To prove something to myself. I don’t NEED anyone else in order to push myself harder and harder each and every day. My mind is my biggest critic, and for that reason alone, I challenge myself to run faster, harder, longer. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t motivating, and that doesn’t mean it didn’t make my heart flutter having someone out there cheering ME on. Someone out there whose only concern in the world was seeing ME cross the finish line.
During training for Columbia I would get asked daily “how did your run go?” “how many miles did you do?” No matter if my answer was, I ran 1 mile in 450 minutes (ok, so that never happened) he would still tell me I was doing great and that he was proud of me. That was a great push.. Having someone who truly thought that no matter how fast or slow I was, that I was incredible just for trying. He would never dream of running 13.1 miles.. So I was his little crazy insane runner. He would shake his head any time I ran more than like… 3 miles. He would be at the finish line of my 5ks and ask how it went and I’d say “it was horrible. I ran SO SLOW.” His response was always “shoot I’d still be on mile one” which would make me laugh, every time.
I try not to dwell on these memories. I realize that I made a decision, and it was the best decision I could have made for myself given the cards I was dealt. Does that make me stop caring? Absolutely not. Does that make my heart stop hurting? Yea-Friggin-Right. Does that make this training cycle any less lonely? PFFFFFFFFFFFT.
It will be an odd feeling not having someone wrap me in their embrace after I cross the finish line, not having him call me crazy and make fun of me. But… It will be a step in the right direction. A form of closure, perhaps.. To realize, it really is over and that I’m moving forward with my life, making the best and healthiest decisions I can.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
(Also virtual high-five to whoever can tell me where the quote comes from WITHOUT GOOGLING IT)