Tag Archives: Rock and roll

Life Is About The Journey

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I apologize if you came over to my corner of the web today looking for a Rock n Roll San Antonio recap. That is not what you will be getting.

With half-marathon under my belt I have come to this moment, right here, enlightened. In regards to MY OWN running, that is.

You see, before this year I never thought I was capable of running 13.1 miles. I never thought I could actually run much more than a 5k. I mean marathon runners have like…. Less than 10% body fat (or ya know.. so I thought). I’ve always been a thin girl, but average thin.. Not anorexic thin. Until I became an adult I absolutely never had body image issues. Crazy, since I was a gymnast and a dancer. Both notorious for self-image issues.

I can pin the day I started having bad body images to the day I had ovarian surgery. I was bed-ridden for what felt like an eternity. I was on a diet that consisted mostly of mashed potatoes and ice cream. I needed help with everything. After a few weeks, I hated what I saw. Although even at my worst, I was never actually overweight. Actually, I don’t think anyone other than myself, including my boyfriend at the time, even noticed a difference what-so-ever. But I was growing more and more disgusted with the girl looking back at me in the mirror. I was also growing weaker and weaker every day. Truth be told, I had stopped being truly active about 2 years prior to this. Quit gymnastics and dancing entirely. My only form of physical activity at that point was waiting tables 30 hours a week.

When I began running, I saw my body transform. Not necessarily in appearance, but I was definitely getting stronger. I felt my core that was pretty badly destroyed from surgery recover with every run I went on. Even if I was running a mile with frequent walk breaks. Throughout my journey as a runner I have become stronger every day. My legs became the rocks they once were as a gymnast. After some time, I learned to incorporate other forms of strength training. Core work. Leg work. Even my arms, now…

At one point during this journey, running even taught me to love my body. It proved to me that my body is something to be proud of, flaws and all. If I’m smart about it, and put in the work; my body can do anything (within reason) I want it to. This is my body, and it’s the only one I get… Assuming I don’t get bionic parts in the future.

For this very reason, because I love my body. Because I respect my body I have decided to drop to the half-marathon at the Austin Marathon in February and postpone my Marathon debut. This wasn’t an easy decision to come to, yet it was the easiest decision of my life…

I realized there is a genius to the run-walk approach. Hang with me here, because I’m not being literal, though I really am at the same time. (Charlotte, get it together here. You’re not making any sense.)

Physical work is easier and healthier when you take breaks. This also works for learning…. There is a reason that teachers start their lessons with a brain warm-up, then dive into the heavy material, and end the class having backed off a bit.. Allowing creative and cognitive thought to replenish the brain.

After two-ish years of running, one of which was more ‘serious’ running, I have learned that my body needs me to back off after an intense training cycle. Like our brains, my body works best when given rest and variation. After 13 weeks of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion, I know that my body needs me to back off a little. I never really spoke about my brother’s death. I downplayed how upset I was after the split between Zack and I. I downplayed how stressful it was to try to move to Austin after just getting back home to NY. I downplayed how painful my hip was getting at the end of training for San Antonio.

Sitting here right now.. It’s kind of silly to me that I did. I grew more than I knew possible this year. I’ve grown more in less than a year, than a lot of people do in a lifetime.

All of this. Every aspect of it. The epiphanies I’ve had, the injuries I’ve experienced, the heart ache…Wanting to rip my hair out over some of the stress; Have lead me to this comfort… I know now, that life really is all about the journey. There is no rush. I do not want to just survive this life, I want to thrive in it!

I don’t want to just survive my first marathon. I want to thrive! I want to be the strongest I’ve ever been. I want to cross the start line confident, not terrified. (Though yes, there is a certain level of fear in every marathoner, newb or experienced) I know that if I run in February, I will end up only half-way pleased. I will be proud of myself for finishing, but I will be disappointed with how poorly executed it was. I will be extremely frustrated with my body for doing something that it wasn’t prepared to do in the first place.

I will run a marathon. I still plan for it to be in 2013, it just won’t be Austin. It just won’t be 2 months from now. Instead I will be giving myself some time to back off the intensity so my body mind and soul can recover from the last several months of intense life. I’m going to find some local 5ks, pick out my favorite hole-in-the-wall bar in Austin, go to social outings and meet people, and even go on my first post-engagement date. GASP.

If you want to rain on my parade, go right on ahead. It will not bother me. I am comfortable with my decision. No, actually, I’m proud of it. Being smart enough to listen to our bodies takes a level of responsibility that only come after growing as a person, and a runner.

Why Do I Even Bother Running?

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EDIT: A lot of people have e-mailed, tweeted, commented, & FBed saying not to give up. Don’t worry I’M NOT!! EVER. I’m just frustrated ;)

Wednesday, I had one of those perfect, could not have been better, grin from ear to ear runs that only happen every now and again. The weather was perfect, shuffle on my ipod was playing the exact songs I needed to hear to fuel some speed, The wind was blowing during the second half just enough to cool down the 75 sunny degrees.

I returned home riding an endorphin high, ready to take on Rock n Roll San Antonio. I had no doubt in my mind after that run that I was going to blow my goals for San Antonio OUT. OF. THE. WATER.

Fast Forward about 3 hours and, I was hobbling around the house cursing in the name of running. My entire right side of my body was a mess. It felt like someone stuck my right calf in the garbage disposal. Like someone was lighting my right hip on fire, and tying the lower right side of my back into multiple knots.

In the matter of a few hours I went from over-the-moon-ecstatic about how far I’ve come in my running this year, to just plain pissed off that I even run at all.

Why bother? Every time I start to feel awesome my body fails me. What’s the point? I’m just destroying my body time and time again. Re-occurring pain should tell me something. But WHAT? I’ve had my gait analyzed several times, I have (fairly) decent form. I strength train. I slowly build up my mileage, and I take several cut back weeks. I rest more than a lot of people I know who run. I compress, I ice, I elevate, I do yoga, I stretch, I warm up, I cool down.

WHY DOES MY BODY HATE ME SO MUCH?

I started to get really down about my running. Maybe my body just wasn’t made for running. Maybe I destroyed my body with those 13+ years of gymnastics. I LOVE running, I LOVE the challenge, but maybe my body just isn’t a huge fan. Clearly my body is yelling at me to change something, and there seems to be only one constant. RUNNING.

I texted a friend back home in NY. One of the few people ‘in real life’ that actually understand my crazy obsession with this sport. I told him all about it, I told him I wanted to drop running entirely and just become a fat slob who eats potato chips all day on the couch. He said “Without pain, there can be no greatness“

I know it’s true.. It’s just so frustrating. I have tried so hard to do everything safely and SMART to prevent injury. I know, the pain in my back and calf are no big deal. They’re already gone. They were just sore from an intense workout. But this DARN HIP ISSUE comes back time and time again. It will not move on to the next culprit (okay I don’t wish this on anyone!) It’s like that rude cold that you think you have shook. You start to be able to breathe and function without coughing up a lung, only to WHAM be smacked in the face again and realize it never truly left at all.

WHY. I did everything right. I rested for TWO MONTHS when I was diagnosed. I went to PT, and did yoga every single day. I was a good little girl and practiced RICE RICE RICE every day. I very (very) slowly came back to my beloved running. What gives?

you mean you don’t ride around in cars with bags of ice buckled to your hip?? ;)

Am I being overly dramatic? Absolutely. But, I’m frustrated, disheartened, angry, sad, and just plain ready for those easy, nearly effortless miles I see people pounding out day after day, to be MINE. I’m ready to go out for a 5 mile run and say “man I could have kept going for days”

Maybe that will never be me. Maybe running will always be hard and painful for me. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I love it so much… Because it continues to challenge me each and every day. I go out there every day, not to beat the other’s in a race, but to BEAT MYSELF. To beat that little voice in my head that says “you’re slow, you’re not meant for this, you’ll never be good at this” But some days, like today, I feel like that voice is right.

I am slow, and maybe I will never be good at this sport we call running. Maybe all my friends are right, maybe I am absolutely nuts for thinking I can actually run a marathon.

I know that I’m asking a lot of my body, and really putting it to the test. But there are some days I just wonder why I even bother.

Are there days you ever feel like this? Please say yes, even if it is just to humor me ;)

The Week I Went Absolutely Bananas?

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Apparently I have a death wish. I was so inspired the last few weeks by my new friends down south that I met on my trip. By my step-mom who can take weeks off at a time and make a back to back race weekend look easy right after. By all of my many friends who raced Chicago or PDX over the weekend. (btw Jess. CONGRATS ON BEING A MARATHONER!! You rocked it!) By my many other friends who are on the tail end of their NYC Marathon Training.

I took a dive right into crazy land. I have gone bananas. Lost my marbles entirely.

Yeah, I registered for the Austin Marathon. Which, is exactly 19 weeks from yesterday….. *GULP* Yeah, that means I’m diving straight into marathon training.. TODAY.

But weren’t you going to run Flying Pig in May as your first full?

Yeah, that was my plan… However when Z and I split up and my life fell apart.. I quickly decided to move to Austin. Running my first full in a city I will have just recently moved to, makes so much more sense. A) Moving across the country is expensive, so is traveling for destination races. (money really SHOULD grow on trees.. sigh) B) What a great way to get to know your new city, right?! Running 26.2 miles of it…. I think so. C) The friendly folks  with The Flying Pig are letting me defer to next year… When I will have not just lost tons of money due to moving and a wedding that never happened. Heh. Flying Pig is still my #1 must run marathon, but financially and logistically, Austin makes more sense for 2013.

On top of that, I really can’t think of a better way to say good-bye to Jamestown. WNY is absolutely miserable in so many ways, but the one thing it is NOT lacking is charm, and beauty. It is absolutely gorgeous in the hilly amish country not too far from town. The winding roads, the trees, that right now are brilliant shades of color. It will be the perfect way to close this chapter.

However I am officially panicking, now. I have 19 weeks…. I am going to use the Hal Hidgon Novice 1 Marathon Plan which is an 18 week plan, so it isn’t like I’m pushing the envelope or anything. It works out perfectly. It’s sort of scary how well it lines up with my current training, actually... The week I am supposed to run 12 miles will be the weekend of Rock n Roll San Antonio half.

It’s like it was meant to be.
But I’m still trembling in my shoes and freak out a bit when I actually sit and think about what I’ve committed myself to…

I’ve been repeating that over and over in my head.

What I DO Know:

  • Yes, Austin is known to have a fairly hilly course. However having just moved from Maryland (hilllllllll central), the hills of WNY, and the fact that I’ll be running IN Austin for the last several long runs, I’ll be ready for it. My first half was insanely hilly. Apparently I’m retarded like that.
  • I don’t have any real time goals. Finishing injury-free is my only goal as of now. This could change further into training though. I’m perfectly okay with the fact that it’s going to be a comically slow finish time.
  • I have 19 weeks to say my good-byes to everyone, as I will most likely die (I joke!)
  • This is definitely going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Running doesn’t come as easy to me as it does to a lot of others out there. I have to work really hard at it, every time I hit the pavement.

Dream  it. Believe it. Achieve it.

Marathoners — How far in advance before training did you register for your first full? What advice do you have to get me to that finish line February 17?

Training with Bronchitis

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About three weeks ago I woke up feeling absolutely lousy. My body ached, I had the chills, my head felt like someone filled it up with cement, my throat felt like the fiery depths of hell. I was miserable, to say the least. As I mentioned in my brief life update last week, I was later in the week diagnosed with Bronchitis. YAY FUN. Not. At. All.

The good news is that A Z pak, an over dose of Vitamin C and rest zapped the miserable aches and pains of being sick. I was feeling better within a week.. But 3, going on 4 here soon, weeks later this cough seems to have decided to take an extended vacation in my lungs.

I am nearly half-way through training for Rock n Roll San Antonio…. I won’t lie. Last week I was all easy breezy, because I was feeling better and better every day. I thought I would be 100% by now.. Now, though… Now I’m starting to freak out a bit.

I KNOW that I can tackle the distance. It isn’t the distance I’m worried about. It’s the whole, respecting my body and PRing thing. I have huge goals for San Antonio, and I have huge huge huge training plans. I was counting on Training for RNR SA to give me a solid base to dive into Flying Pig MARATHON training immediately following recovery from San Antonio.

I’m just getting to the point where I don’t know what to do, exactly.

See, the first week I was sick, I didn’t run at all. I couldn’t. My entire body ached, I had a fever, I sounded like Darth Vader breathing. A big goose egg for week 1 of bronchitis. The following week I ran a 2 miler that I thought was going to kill me, and then I ran another 2 miler at the end of the week that ended in my coughing so hard I threw up. This last week I took it easy, I ran a mile at the beginning of the week and felt decent… So I decided I needed to at least try to get in a somewhat long run… I ran 5 slow miles that were 65/45 walking to running… I started coughing hard during the first 2 miles but then I began to feel like the cold fresh air was breaking up the gunk in my respiratory system. However, that only lasted until mile 4 and then I coughed literally the entire way through the last mile… If I wasn’t a mile away from my house I would have just stopped. Not even gonna lie.

I was coughing for hours straight after the run. Like, I couldn’t stop… My doctor of course isn’t a runner… So, I honestly only take his advice with a grain of salt. But, when I contacted him about my cough not getting any better and how I feel on a run he got in a huge huff! Telling me that running with bronchitis is a huge no-no, even if the majority of the symptoms have come and gone….

As runners, we tend to be a bit stubborn. Strong willed. Head Strong. Whatever you want to call it, we think we know our bodies better than anyone else does… Including trained professionals. I’m guilty of this. At warrior dash I was all “oh that twinge in my hip will work itself out over the course of the next 1,000 feet of elevation.” It didn’t work out so well that day, and I’m pretty sure it won’t end any better this go around.

I’m trying to be a smart runner. A healthy runner. I don’t want to do any more damage to my chest/lungs/respiratory system. I called Jason in Baltimore. Some of you may remember his name from his brief time coaching me before I left Maryland. I really wanted his take on things. His advice has steered me in the right direction since I’ve met him. However, his words only disappointed me. (Sorry. still love ya pal!)

As always, speaking to me in crazy running metaphors he said “fight or flight” in which I didn’t even hesitate to respond with “FIGHT”… After a good chuckle and a round of “a’ta girl” he told me that realistically, if I can’t get in my scheduled 10k without feeling like I’m dying this weekend, I may need to seriously re-evaluate my expectations for San Antonio.

Then he really leveled with me. Told me a horror story from when he ran NYC in 2010… How he had bronchitis and toughed it out through training and started coughing up blood at the last aid station and was later that day diagnosed with pneumonia. The only time he’s had the chance to run NYC and he didn’t even get to cross the finish line because (and I quote his words) he was “too damn stubborn and stupid to take a few weeks off in the peak of training” While a marathon is obviously a hell of a lot more taxing on the body than a mere half, he still got his message across to me crystal clear.

A finish is a finish. I still have huge goals that I completely plan on dominating, but I’m not going to disrespect my body to do so. I’m tired of ‘waiting’ for my body to cooperate. But, what else is there to do? Any advice is totally welcome! Actually, I beg of you! lol

In other news, this time tomorrow I’ll be on my way to the airport to fly to AUSTIN to go sign a lease on what is soon to be MY NEW APARTMENT IN ATX!!!